Faithfulness?

Why am I shocked that my heart is evil and clings to idols? What is it about us that causes us to think that we have it together? Or at least causes me to think that I do? Oh yeah, it goes back to the evil heart thing. I have found that with a little bit of work, I can isolate myself from stuggles fairly easily. If I choose I can be in relationships that are relatively stress free...relationships that don't reveal my own selfishness. If I work hard enough I can make people conform to the actions I expect from them...actions that only really accomplish my comfort not real holiness in their lives. I can control my environment, and in doing so I can hide from my own sin and desperate need for the Lord.

Or I can choose to throw myself over the edge of the cliff - anchored only in to the Rock Of Christ...but in doing so, I give up control - of my environment, the people around me, and most of all my ability to think that I really have something to offer. Sometimes I find that the Lord in His faithfulness (not working out the way we usually like to think of) will give me a little nudge in over that edge...showing me how desperately I still try to hold onto to myself and my own walls.

This last week the Lord practiced that faithfulness in my life - as day after day I interacted with a few students who made me very aware of how little control I have and how strong my sin nature is. I have wrestled through the idea of Gods grace abounding all the more where sin abounds...praying that I would be the fountain pouring out grace where sin abounds. I have desperately tried to remember that the Lord is not only the giver of gifts but ultimately he is the one who takes gifts away - and He sometimes does that through the means of people practicing evil against me. I have had to remember that my trust should not be placed on human beings fulfilling my expectations but in a God who sometimes acts in ways I don't understand. I have wrestled with my own sense of entitlement - wanting my rights (to comfort and no conflict) to be upheld, I have struggled with my grasping of what is comfortable to me. This brand of faithfulness if the Lors is a dangerous brand of faithfulness but I wouldn't live with out it.