Faithfulness?

Why am I shocked that my heart is evil and clings to idols? What is it about us that causes us to think that we have it together? Or at least causes me to think that I do? Oh yeah, it goes back to the evil heart thing. I have found that with a little bit of work, I can isolate myself from stuggles fairly easily. If I choose I can be in relationships that are relatively stress free...relationships that don't reveal my own selfishness. If I work hard enough I can make people conform to the actions I expect from them...actions that only really accomplish my comfort not real holiness in their lives. I can control my environment, and in doing so I can hide from my own sin and desperate need for the Lord.

Or I can choose to throw myself over the edge of the cliff - anchored only in to the Rock Of Christ...but in doing so, I give up control - of my environment, the people around me, and most of all my ability to think that I really have something to offer. Sometimes I find that the Lord in His faithfulness (not working out the way we usually like to think of) will give me a little nudge in over that edge...showing me how desperately I still try to hold onto to myself and my own walls.

This last week the Lord practiced that faithfulness in my life - as day after day I interacted with a few students who made me very aware of how little control I have and how strong my sin nature is. I have wrestled through the idea of Gods grace abounding all the more where sin abounds...praying that I would be the fountain pouring out grace where sin abounds. I have desperately tried to remember that the Lord is not only the giver of gifts but ultimately he is the one who takes gifts away - and He sometimes does that through the means of people practicing evil against me. I have had to remember that my trust should not be placed on human beings fulfilling my expectations but in a God who sometimes acts in ways I don't understand. I have wrestled with my own sense of entitlement - wanting my rights (to comfort and no conflict) to be upheld, I have struggled with my grasping of what is comfortable to me. This brand of faithfulness if the Lors is a dangerous brand of faithfulness but I wouldn't live with out it.

Crazy Week

So this last week has been a bit chaotic....let me give you the bullet points.

We had a huge talent show fundraiser event. Our 30 students cooked, served, performed, greeted, etc. It was awesome. The day started off a little crazy though. As we were gathering to head out to the talent show we had three fights to break up...one of them was pretty crazy including beer bottles, bricks and 2x4's. That may sound a bit crazy...but when you know the kids you see all the junk going on inside that makes them like a live wire.

Between me and one of my interns we have gotten pulled over 5 times in the last week...everything from a headlight being out, to why are you white and driving around in this neighborhood, to why are you sitting here in this car talking to this kid. It's been crazy. One of the times when our intern got pulled over (for the headlight) the police decided it was necessary to search the van from top to bottom..."because it might have drugs in it"...I really do appreciate our officers, but it has gotten a bit annoying.

Our executive director (well his wife actually) had a baby...the day of the talent show actually. It's their first. They are very excited.

One of our girls is moved in with my sister and I - for an indefinate period of time. We are becoming mom's - sort of. She is 15 so not a little kid but will need quite a bit of intensive intervention. She is coming with the clothes on her back and that is about it. Pray for us!

All in a days work...

Tywanda (one of our students) walked out of Bible Study one night to be greeted by flying fists. Another girl who we have recently become very aquainted with had a beef with her and decided that fighting Tywanda would be the best way to solve it.

If you remember high school you know the way the energy level increases exponentially when a fight occurs. Several of us entered the fray to break up the fight. As Jason (one our team members was trying to hold one of the girls back) he broke his shoulder blade! Yes! his shoulder blade. The Dr.s were stunned that he had incurred this kind of injury in those circumstances.

So he has about six weeks of no anything...no working, no driving, no walking...just kidding...he can walk but that's about it.

Awesome Provision!!

Bursting at the seems is how I have often described our Thursday night Bible study. Kids have been practically right on top of each other...not such a great dynamic with all those raging hormones. :/

Last night was our second week with a little elbow room. This is not because kids have stopped coming - just the opposite has been true. We have been given permission to use a building 1 BLOCK from our ministry house...and we get to use it for virtually free.

It belongs to another group who are very interested in the community but who are not able to do much themselves for the community. They are eager to partner with anyone who is trying to make a positive impact.

We breaking it in with Thursday nights and are looking forward to many other possibilities in the future. While it isn't a long-term solution, it is a well-timed answer to prayer!

Settling In - Upcoming Stuff

Now that title could win some awards for creativity. :)

Andrae and Lone have been here for a month now. Their house is coming together and they are starting to feel a little more at home. Andrae has been a fun partner in ministry because he dreams big ideas too...it is very fun to have someone to bounce off of who won't feel overwhelmed. His wife is fantastic as well. I can't wait to spend more time with her.

We are having an open house for 2nd Mile this weekend. I can't wait. I love connecting people I love with other things and people I love. Does that make sense? I am excited to have a bunch of people from my church have more of a chance to meet and connect with my community and the ministry my life is poured out into.

My sister and I are planning on moving soon. We are waiting for some details to line up. If you want to pray for us - please pray for that...our current residence continues to be a great habitation for mold, mice and cock roaches. My sister can't wait to have a room to sleep in again (her whole bedroom is still strewn about our entire house). We both can't wait to have a home again...

More than ever before, I am looking forward with great anticipation to what God might be doing in the months ahead. Hopefully I will do a good job at keeping you in touch with all God is doing.

Busy Month

Starting from the middle of December and ending at the end of this month I will have gone from Jacksonville to Orlando to Jacksonville to New Orleans to Jacksonville to Miami to Jacksonville to Charlotte to Greenville to Atanta to Jacksonville to Tampa and finally back to Jacksonville.

In the midst of it all I have dealt with 3 break-ins, several family crisis situations, moving an office, end of the year business details, homework, trying to facilitate the beginning of a website, discipling girls, @ the beginning planning of our distict conference which is a little over a month away among a few other things... Oh yeah and in there somewhere was Christmas and New Years! :)

Hopefully this isn't indicative of the year ahead! :)

Learning From My Mistakes

I have learned that it is very important to have serial numbers for items which you may want to recover if they are ever stolen. Well God has blessed me incredibly with a new laptop and an external hardrive (this is the provision that helps with the backing data up lesson that I learned) and I will absolutely be keeping and filing my serial numbers!! :) I may be a slow learner but I do eventually learn! :)

Holding Loosely

Our ministry house has been broken into three times in the last two weeks. This makes a cumulative of eight break-ins total between that house and my own over the last two years. It also means tens of thousands of dollars worth of "things" that the Lord has chosen to take away just as He was the one who gave them. It makes me very aware of how much I come to depend on things...like laptops :) in my life. It helps me to appreciate the gifts when I receive them from the Lord. It teaches me that I need to back up my information. :) I have been praying that my heart would continue to be gentle and loving toward whoever it is that is in such a situation that they feel desperate enough to repeatedly break-in to our house.

BIG NEWS!!!

God had provided our team with an Executive Director! We have been praying for this moment for over 4 years now!! Andrae Robinson will start as of January 1st. However, he and his wife Lone (pronounced Luna) will not move out to J'ville until near the end of January. They are joining us from California! Andrae grew up in California while his wife grew up in Denmark. They met in an orphanage in Honduras. We are excited about the huge ways they will contribute to our team. Their giftings and personalities will mesh well with ours while filling much needed gaps!

Tacoma/Seattle

I just spent 3 1/2 glorious days in Washington State. I spent time with incredible friends, hiked in crisp, chilly weather, took in the brilliant fall colors, went to one of the largest REI's in the nation and toured two beautiful cities! What a wonderfully refreshing little retreat!!